Thank you! Knowing what I can work on to improve, and what I need to deal with that isn't changing, helps immensely.

I have PTSD, and OCD, and it was the brain-changing trauma that altered how I function, so they are tied together. My therapist (of over 10 years) is trying to help me sort out a lot of things, and "heal or deal" with different symptoms. For example, my horrible PTSD memory damage can't be fixed, so we're working on dealing with it. But then other factors came up that didn't match up 100%.

My sensory sensitivities tested high, sometimes to the point where I feel like things are attacking me. But my social behavior didn't change like reading social cues and being an extrovert, although I can get immediately overwhelmed, and I do stim for comfort.

My stricter need for routine and patterns can get to a dysfunctional point. OCD for me, is based more on my compulsions to, for example, follow a pattern in the shower or to clean the house until I'm in tears - but this is *self-driven*. But if I'm asked to go into work early, I come close to having a panic attack because I can't deal with an external force changing my routine, and things like that fell on the spectrum.

My best understanding is that my PTSD and OCD are self driven, and the spectrum behaviours are external factors I can't deal with the way I used to. They're all tied together, but my PTSD and OCD have vastly improved over the years, and the other behaviours have not.

Not sure if this is a clear description, maybe it helps a little?

This week a little boy asked me why I have a big belly, and if it was because I like to eat a lot. I was caught off guard, laughed and answered, "YUP!" 🤣😁

Kids and their honesty...

Not Autistic, but trauma-based spectrum here. I was tested and have half of the spectrum behaviors, mostly routine and sensory based.

I think I'll address the therapy part first. There isn't usually a before and after difference per each individual appointments. It's someone who is *qualified* to help you cope with your individual journey. I don't have to worry about their feelings, and they can make suggestions based on their growing knowledge of who I am, and what would be best for me. I can then make decisions with a little more confidence because I trust them and their expertise.

I have someone who knows and understands my story and situation, and nobody on the planet has to know about any of it, as it's confidential. Over the years, I have made major progress overall, and specifically with my PTSD.

And as per the philosophical questions? I have two "non-answers."

1. I can't tell you my life story because it's long, complicated, and you probably wouldn't believe half of it. 🤣

2. There is no logical road map to life. There will be some things you experience, and many that you won't. Being sympathetic or empathetic will go a long way. I was very young when I didn't feel deserving of eating (freely), and it seems you haven't felt that way in your life - which is awesome! I hope you don't experience that. If you don't feel a lack of confidence, or an absence of peace in your heart and mind, I can't describe it to you in a way that will help you understand the flip side, the healing.

If you've bever broken a bone, you don't know the feeling when the cast comes off. Does that make sense? I can't even begin to tell you all the ways I was (and in a few ways, still am) broken. But healing isn't a perception, it's both a *feeling* and it's a *fact*. The cast is off, the bone is strong, freedom and confidence and happiness have room to grow.

Does this help, or make it more confusing? 🤔

Your questions are not cruel, they are honest, and showing your youth. 😊

I think you and I have chatted in the past. We have a lot in common. 👍

Narcissists love a good target, I know this all too well. And when I read this, I wonder if part of it for me is similar. A good chance.

🤣 Sure, I can choose not to answer if I'm uncomfortable with anything. Here, or in a private message?

This can, and has happened to me. 😁

I know I'm older than a lot of people here, but I've had many years of struggling with confidence, with self-image, and self love. Therapy has helped immensely as have my SO and friend relationships.

But when I started gaining weight? At first it was bodybuilding, then bulking, and then a fat belly to show off at the gym... The freedom (and feeling I deserve) to eat whatever I want, the freedom to indulge in food and fetish, the confidence that came with my size and desire to display my body in a positive way? It's been priceless. My increasing weight wasn't the ONLY factor, but it's definitely been an important one.

It worked for me. 😉😁